Lessons from my 62-day Duolingo streak.
How action builds momentum, how I like to be loved and some recs.
Hello!
How are you doing?
Wow, it's 30 days until the year ends.
May God spare our lives till then and beyond.
This is my third email to you this month.
Did you take advantage of the offers in the previous two?
Congratulations if you did! If you didnāt, too bad :(
This is a regular love letter so enjoy!
My Duolingo Story.
It all started one night like that. I was scrolling through Twitter and I saw a tweet of someone who had a streak of 3+ years.
I was shocked!
3+ years of learning on Duolingo? Howww?
It was wild to me. It still is.
I don't know how sha but I found myself taking a lesson that night (The push was a subconscious one)
I took another lesson the next day. And then the next day. And then the next.
And somehow I'm on a 62-day streak.
You know what I realised? When my streak went from 1 to 2 to 3 to 10, I suddenly didn't want it to break so I made sure to turn up every single day. I had broken that ā starting barrierā and it was now easy to be consistent with my action (of taking a lesson everyday)
Action builds momentum.
Once you start, itās often easy to continue because you're already in flow.
The problem many of us have with doing things is starting.
We're always waiting for motivation.
But you can only get ā motivatedā after you get started. Not before.
So how do you start?
People give the advice of ājust start ā but I've learnt that itās not this simple.
If it was, everyone would be doing it.
Here are a few hacks that have worked for me;
Writing down what needs to get done & breaking it into the smallest possible task(s)
Deliberate scheduling in your calendar.
Setting reminders to get it done.
Finding an accountability partner or group.
Do something else...something you want to do even less than the thing that should be done.. This is you basically tricking your brain and forcing it to do what you're trying to procrastinate. You know, kinda like picking the less of two evils?
Do it for 2 minutes. This is an easy way to break that starting barrier. Many times when you do this, you actually don't stop after 2 mins.
If all these don't work, you should ask yourself if itās something that's actually important to you. If your answer is āI donāt know / āI'm not sureā, then you shouldn't be bothering yourself with this, imo (in my opinion)
Or this could be a sign that something is wrong with your emotional health (Emotions play an important role in the way we do things) & itās probably time to talk to someone qualified to help.
The Beauty of Love Languages.
I love the concept of love languages.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, says the key to a lasting relationship is learning love languages.
The concept of love languages is actually quite simple.
There are five of them, each describing an expression ofāyou guessed itālove.
The key, according to Chapman, is discovering which love language you and your partner respond to the most, then regularly putting that into practice.
So what are the 5 love languages?
Words of affirmations
Gifts
Acts of Service
Quality time
Physical touch
Anyone who follows me on Twitter probably knows the order of my love languages because I talk about it a lot.
Itās like this: Words of Affirmations > Gifts > Acts of Service > Quality Time > Physical Touch
Don't get me wrong, I like to be loved in all 5 ways at different times depending on the situation BUT any day any time, i love receiving words of affirmations aka compliments & receiving gifts.
And I also realized that because this is how I like to be loved, this is how I love too.
A compliment here and there.
Random sweet messages to friends.
Playing āanonā for friends.
Visiting with gifts.
Etc.
Receiving this & doing this brings me so much joy, to be honest.
PS- All kinds of love exist not only romantic love so itās okay? In case you were worried or something š
But one thing I'm learning and the point of the book is that love languages differ from individual to individual. So because i love to give gifts doesn't mean my friend i give it to will appreciate it better than say me giving her a warm hug(physical touch) or doing something for her (acts of service).
It's hard but I'm learning the love languages of my friends so that i can speak it fluently.
And I also never forget to tell them mine :)
(I plan to send personal letters to 10 of my friends today or tomorrow. Iām excited to do this. Just to appreciate them and express how their presence in my life makes me feel )
Whatās the order of your love languages? I'd love to hear from you.
RECOMMENDATIONS.
Food: This section makes me of my friend MT who loves food, loool.
My recommendation is that you should eat Shawarma. If you don't like it, I can tell your tastebuds aren't elite enough. Note: no slander shall be tolerated.
Mental Health Support: Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a very passionate mental health advocate.
I'm inviting you to register for the Safe Place Nigeria online community. Imagine health insurance but for your mental health.
^
Safe Place started as a support group in 2016 for over 500+ women across 6 states. It then grew to become Africa's first mental health walk-in clinic in 2018. Now Safe Place is closer to you than ever.
This Saturday, Hauwa Ojeifo & the amazing team at She Writes Woman will be launching Safe Place as an online community.
What You Get:
ā Daily access to mental health professionals
ā A Support System of People Just like you.
ā Monthly care packages
ā Insightful conversations
ā Mental wellness resources + self-care toolkits and more.
For as little as ā¦5,000 per quarter & ā¦10,000 per year, you'll get access to these and MORE.
Please register for Safe Place here.
And if you genuinely want this but can't afford the fee, register here to get sponsored.
This is FOR EVERYONE.
If you're a Muslim, keep an eye out for another email from me in a few days. I'm organising a fun hangout & I'd love to meet you there š
I should have sent this on Sunday but i didn't, Iām sorry. I did start writing on Sunday but I never finished it until now.
I have a headache as Iām typing this but I can't afford to procrastinate it again.
Kindly ignore the typos in today's letter š
I generally enjoy writing these letters to you monthly but I would also appreciate it if you could leave a comment once in a while/ reply as an email/ share with your friends.
Thank you.
Until next time,
Lots of love,
Nusaybah
CONNECT WITH ME.
Instagram (Planning to start posting some videos so hey follow so you can see me š)
Twitter ( I talk a lot here & it's probably the best place to have a fun conversation with me)
If you have any questions or need anything from me, please ask on Curious Cat.
Well done Nusaybah.
Your Newsletter alongside Obileye's and Ibankhan's are the write-ups I look forward to reading regularly as there are usually a lot of wisdom to unpack.
I stumbled upon love languages some times back as I have mostly thought it to be something specific to romantic partners. Of all of them, I have always liked words of affirmation even before I became aware of its importance in promoting meaningful friendships. Giving gifts does sound good but the fear of misinterpreting intent is also a thing. But I think the whole essence is to know people's love languages and use them appropriately.
Its nice reading this piece. I really love that you mentioned the love languages. Its a good thing to know about. Actually I speak and respond well to all those love languages, but i love quality time and physical touch the most.