Hi hi.
How are you doing? October was a long month! Really long tbh. A lot of things happened and we'll unpack.
Firstly, a shoutout to the person who missed the newsletter and told me about it on Curious Cat.
If you want to ask me questions without me knowing it's from you or you want to leave a nice message ( I loveee this type of messages), you can do that here.
#EndSARS.
How are you? Really, how are you?
If you're Nigerian, October was a difficult month, I'm sure.
I don't know what your experience was, but I'll share mine.
As a Muslim, I didn't support the #EndSars protest & I got attacked for it which was really funny.
There were two different opinions on whether to protest and after a lot of difficult conversations with knowledgeable people and some friends & my own personal research, I felt the one saying not to was stronger.
This doesn't mean that I supported or defended the brutality of SARS. Not at all.
I was as angry & infuriated as the next Nigerian. I was also worried that things would escalate because let's be serious, this is Nigeria.
The escalation shocked me and honestly messed me up. Apart from dealing with the guilt of not supporting the protest( I believed I was right with my opinion but I still felt guilty), I now had to deal with the collective trauma we were all experiencing as a country.
The videos, the tweets announcing missing people & dead people, my God, the videos. It was too much. But I couldn't find it in me to log off. It felt like a privilege I couldn't afford myself.
When I finally took less than a day off, I came back online to more sorrow & despair. It was a lot, I won't lie.
Then the government had the audacity to come & gaslight us. With the Army tagging everything as “Fake News" and the government telling us the #LekkiMassacre didn't happen.
At some point, I was confused. Did all these actually happen? I was doubting my own eyes, lol.
Shows you how good the government is with this gaslighting of a thing.
And then the discovery of warehouses with Covid-19 palliatives. I was shocked but honestly? I wasn't very surprised. The people we have in power don't rate us. At all.
Like everyone during this time, Femi Falana's rant lives rent-free in my head.
"How can a government hoard Indomiennnn? It's intolerable, its provocative. Our government will have to apologise to the Nigerian people."
We know to expect no apologies from the government, haha.
The looting and violence that followed the discovery of the palliatives was horrifying.
In my area, I could hear a lotttt of gunshots. My family had to lay on the ground whenever we did.
That aside, I was & still am worried for people whose stores were looted during this period.
Which brings me to this: We're no better than the people we elected to govern us.
They just have access to what we don't have.
And it's really sad that this is where we are at in the country. Sigh.
So how do we change the country?
Not everyone can be an activist. Not everyone can change policies or fight the government or whatever.
But everyone has a responsibility to change this country.
And it begins with YOU.
It seems like a small thing but this ayah (verse) of the Qur'an brings me some sort of comfort (and also fear)
Allah says in the Qur'an (interpretation of the meaning):
Verily, ALLAH does not change the condition of people until they change what is within themselves. [Sura ar-Ra’d 13:11]
So change begins with you.
Dealing with Collective Trauma.
Collective trauma is caused by a traumatic event that affects a large group of people.
Some are exposed to the direct impacts of the catastrophe, such as sickness, death, injury, or loss of a loved one.
Others experience the indirect effects of the traumatic event—financial difficulties, job loss, or separation from friends or family members.
Collective trauma describes the emotional and mental reactions to those losses.
When trauma hits, it can leave our bodies and minds struggling to process and cope.
Collective trauma means a shared experience of helplessness, disorientation, and loss among a group of people. The threatening event gives rise to a shared identification—despite the fact that the victimized individuals have different personalities and family backgrounds, different coping mechanisms and capacities for resilience.
—Dr. Molly Castelloe, expert in group psychology
So how do we deal with this?
Gratitude - Practice gratitude. Every day, think of something you're grateful for. It could be for something as simple as just waking up. Or for social media to be able to see the truth that the government wants to hide. It could be anything.
Breathing Practices - Try breathing practices for stress relief. Research validates breathing exercises as effective, accessible tools for calming the nervous system.
Move - Physical activity reduces depression symptoms and boosts energy and mood.
Journal - Instead of bottling everything up, a good way to unwind would be to journal. Write out or speak out everything on your mind. Expressive writing has been shown to help people effectively manage stress and release trauma.
Seek support when necessary - Join a support group or reach out to mental health organisations that offer free therapy sessions. Some organisations that do this include Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative & She Writes Woman (I'm happy to say that my organization has provided support for 90+ Muslims during this period. Follow us on IG & Twitter)
Some reflective journaling prompts:
How have I survived during this time? In what ways can I be proud of how I’ve faced current challenges?
What have I learned about myself that has been helpful? How can I integrate that newly found part of myself into my recovering self?
Who am I right now and what do I want for my life as we move forward?
How might I recover from the things that I have lost? What resources do I have and who can support me?
How might I pick up and run with what I have gained?
What do I want to retain from this period of my life? What helped me during this time? What didn’t help me and, now that I recognise that, how can I let go of those parts that don’t serve me well?
Source: CABA, UK.
Regular reflective practice will enable you to create a narrative that is helpful and moves you forward. Remember that this is an ongoing practice and doesn’t necessarily have to take place within a specific timescale.
An important thing to note.
Be Patient With Yourself.
Sometimes people who are dealing with a crisis or trauma wonder if their negative reactions are a sign of weakness, or if they’re handling things the ‘right’ way. While there are more and less healthy ways to handle troubling situations, be patient with your feelings and reactions to things.
It’s natural to feel ‘not yourself’ after a major—or even minor—trauma, and accepting yourself and your reactions will help you feel better and process things more easily.
I will love to hear from you. What was your experience? How are you doing now?
You can reply my email or leave a comment, either way I want to hear from you. It's a safe space, I promise.
Lots of love,
N.
Book Club.
If you're a Muslim & you'll like to build a healthy reading habit, sign up for the TMB book club.
We'll be reading 25 books across 3 genres (Islamic fiction, self-help & deen) in 12 months.
Registration fee is ₦5000
Sign up here now!
PS - Registration is closed but I'll be opening the doors for my newsletter fam for the next 48 hours. Send a message to keep your space 😁
If you liked this, share with your friends so they know you're a cool kid.
PS- I have a crazy goal to reach 1,000 subscribers before April 2021. We're currently on 235 subscribers. So let's do this?